if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
