glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
