i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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