she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
