all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
