i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
