so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
