i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
