i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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