I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were trust falling into bushes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
