The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize