What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
