so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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