so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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