; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
