need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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