so that wasnt chicken after all
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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