apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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