And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
