Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize