Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
