just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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