help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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