So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
