I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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