I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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