can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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