Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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