And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
