apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize