'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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