it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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