i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
