I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
