nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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