I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
