what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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