that's an acceptable place to lick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
