The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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