Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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