Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
