I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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