this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
