Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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