Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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