He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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