don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
