One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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