High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
