Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize