Got a toothbrush?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
