WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he puts the penis in happiness.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
