Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
