i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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