I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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