remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
