he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
