It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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